I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
