I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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