took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
