When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
