I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
