I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
