BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
