JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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