i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
