he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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