He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
