A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
