we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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