I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
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I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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