hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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