The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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