I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
