i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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