yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just found a bag of teeth...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
