you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Found your dick twin last night
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
