I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize