I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
