I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
