turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
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Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
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If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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