just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
