he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The struggles of a small town man whore
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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