bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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