I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
