I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
