I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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