last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
