Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
sarcasm needs its own font
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.