I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize