Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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