That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize