i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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