do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
