remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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