just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you traded sex for a burrito?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
