Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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