i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
