Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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