Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
