About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
