Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
