Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize