Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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