what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
