I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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