did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
