remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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