i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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