i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
