are you still at the devil's house?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
