walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
