Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
