I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
