M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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