You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
